By: noah

– It was sketchy to me how AJ discloses of having met Britney after being found out by Marie and then saying something like: “From now on, I will truly 100% commit to you…” Yeah sure. Especially after all AJ’s extensive playing during the dates and Kyle’s confrontation about it.

– I wholeheartedly agree with you on this Kayla (re: Ashley): “it makes so much sense why you have baggage about not only marriage but also the grand romantic gestures Marita is so desperate for.“
For one: there is a higher risk for people who experienced domestic violence to experience this again. And if one experiences domestic violence in a marriage, it can be harder to leave! All the binding legal stuff! And also, yes, domestic violence and grand gestures so often go hand in hand!

– “The cameras might make it high stakes, but you’d be surprised. I watch enough reality television to know that actually people have an easier time getting vulnerable in front of cameras than in their regular lives. There’s almost a layer of UNreality to it for them.” – But… millions of viewers who then know your secret that your partner even doesn’t know? I don’t understand. But then, I don’t understand the concept of reality television altogether.

– Enmeshment is very different to codependency… Yes, thank you.

– Pilar & Kyle: It was puzzling to me how they spoke about the kiss “what happened” – “happen” as word instead of Pilar kissing Kyle, Kyle maybe kissing back, maybe not. I got really bad vibes from that. Obviously we have no idea what happened, but if Pilar wanted to kiss and Kyle said no, I am confused why Pilar would try again later that very night. And why in the conversations that followed, Pilar doesn’t straight up say: “I’m so sorry I crossed your boundary, that’s on me. What do you need me to do to start repairing it?” but instead insists that Kyle gave mixed messages and it was Kyle’s responsibility. I get that this is all stressful, and communication is not the best in moments of high stress and hurt feelings, but Pilar could have also asked Kyle what of her actions made it hard for Kyle to say no, what made Kyle uncomfortable, and it would have been an entire different conversation!
Once again, I have no clue what exactly went down but people who may first cross boundaries and then cry and tell the person whose boundary they crossed that it was their fault or that their naming of crossed boundaries is hurtful… Not great.
I really wanted someone to stand up for Kyle! For her to have a back-up who understands that for some people, saying no is hard and then getting in conflict about a boundary that wasn’t respected and is not acknowledged by the person who disrespected the boundary is a shitty situation to be in!

– The conversations about femme-femme and femme-masc-relationships is also something I would like to see more of! And a masc person willing to carry. In the film “The Same Difference,” studs were very hard on each other and even hateful when one of them decided to carry… I, too, would be interested to have more conversations about this. But it is very clear that the show has different priorities than me.

– Dayna: “My mom is my best friend.” Me: “This explains a lot.” Red flag indeed.

– “Dayna thinks Mel is just scared, not that she actually doesn’t want things like marriage, positioning herself as a bigger expert on Mel’s feelings and desires than Mel herself after a mere few weeks of knowing her.” Sometimes people do this also when knowing a person better. A friend of mine wanted kids but the partner did not. And my friend said to her partner that she was just scared when indeed her partner just didn’t want what my friend wanted. In my experience, people do this move to get what they want instead of accepting that what the other person wants is not congruent to their own desire.
It is baffling that Dayna, after hearing Mel’s background story, just brushes everything aside and is like: “Not a problem! Your partner can carry!” Mel has more reasons for not wanting children than medical ones. But then again, after everything I’ve seen so far, maybe not so baffling after all.