By: Undercity Witch

The article about not having sex left me with a bit of a sour aftertaste, as it were. Granted, question and advice have a context I can know nothing about - a straight woman, I understand, at a college Over the Ocean. However, 'it all depends on you and your attitude' can be fatally wrong in certain contexts. For me, the exact opposite was a life saver. As things stand I will never have the chance to even get to know my sexuality because all places and events where I could possibly initiate this are so toxic with transmisogyny that avoiding them is the only thing I can do. Thus, realizing that there is nothing wrong with me in any way whatsoever and Somewhere Else women might find me attractive was something that was extremely hard to attain - stigma, as good old Goffman knew exactly, also affects the self-image of the stigmatized significantly, it does far more than maintaining exclusions. If you are stigmatized is is crucial for you to understand this, and I think: especially regarding sex. Because otherwise knowing to what degree others can and do explore and enjoy this while you probably never will can destroy you. Sex can become a source of permanent torment. How to deal with this - I do not believe there can be a general recipe. But, you can learn to live with it, and even be happy occasionally. Me, I have come that far that I can even come to this column and grin about the banter, and this is a good sign, I believe.