By: Pallas

In reply to tardigrade.

Thank you for linking this zine! I just read it and thought it was very helpful. It also included a section on “consenting to be a caregiver” as well as a section on “caregiver burnout”, which I thought both addressed similar things to this guide’s “PASS” section – namely the need to really check in with yourself before you make a commitment to help, to take care of yourself and not take on more than you can chew.

I understand why one might have a strong negative reaction to this section but I would like to offer my perspective on why I really appreciated it. In my life, due to difficult family situations and then a lot of death, I have often been put in positions of needing care. I’m also the person in my relationship who gets sick more often. In the past, sometimes people have “felt like they had to” do a lot of things, and it led to resentment, burnout, and me feeling like a massive burden! Nowadays we are all older and wiser and we make sure to check in with ourselves and each other about what things we are actually willing to do, and I don’t feel like a burden anymore even if I am going through cycle 16362738 of grief or yet another cold that knocks me on my ass, causing me to need a lot of grace, patience, and care.

Reading the “PASS” section did not, to me, raise worries that people might feel like a burden, but rather made me happy, as I know how awful it feels (and how much of a strain it puts on relationships) to be cared for reluctantly, or at the expense of the caregiver’s wellbeing. I just wanted to offer this perspective in case it was helpful.